I have been rebellious. Our new addition Stormy a black lab puppy has put stress in our connection time. Regular spanking or love making has taken a back seat to the puppy and her needs. Sleep deprivation was a factor also until I realized our puppy had a bladder infection. I had been getting up with her at least once a night to go outside with her. When you live in a small place like an diesel truck this means I had to get fully dressed take her outside walk her and then bring her back in get undressed and settle her back down to sleep. So 30 minutes at a minimum to care for her needs. When I realized her problem I started her on a half dose of AZO once a day. The problem is clearing and now she has so much energy she needs a lot of exercise, but she sleeps through the night.
That was one cause for my rebellion. The other was a series of hurt feeling and stress of our financial situation. DH takes care of our financial management, but we still discuss it and I am fully aware of our situation at any given time. I get to feeling useless in my inability to earn money or not make enough of it at the time.
I have published my first novel The Phillamanteca; The Story of Jane a parallel story of how I felt about my life from 2002 through 2008. There is a piece of me in all of the characters and I identify with each one. You can find my published novel available in most ebook formats here. It will also be advertised and available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble sites beginning December 1. The sales will help us financially as I continue to self promote and the general public realizes my ability to tell a story. To read a selection of my short stories you can go to Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller. This is also my personal blog outside the domestic discipline lifestyle.
When we began our DD lifestyle I was embarrassed to admit I submit to being spanked and figured it was better to keep this our secret. I never told my vanilla lifestyle friends about my BDSM lifestyle so why would I tell them about this. When I read Laura Doyles book ‘The Surrendered Wife’ I became simultaneously became active in a yahoo group that supports women in this lifestyle ‘The Surrendering Submissive’. I choose to use my erotic fiction alias as my alias for this lifestyle posting.
Everything above is stressful. Living this life and then having to back track because of life changes was extremely stressful on both of us. Living in the vanilla world as a writer and living in the D’s world as someone else is stressful. Yet everyone is complex. No one identifies with anyone completely and this lifestyle is the working blueprint for how our marriage works.
DH had a birthday yesterday. I was not and have not been submissive for a matter of weeks. DH had not pushed me to be submissive, he never does. My submission is my gift to him, if I am feeling less than submissive he respects that. I don’t break our rules so discipline was not a factor. I have just been distant. Yesterday I asked him though how he wanted to celebrate his evening. Of course he wanted to give me his Birthday Spankings. I honored his request and submitted. I wish now I had been able to submit these past few weeks. We are connected again. Because of the puppy he did not take me to tears and the emotional release that brings but he satisfied his need. When he was through I told him that during the spanking I wanted to go the full round. I did not want it to stop until I was crying and talking. That will happen soon, but last night it just wasn’t possible there were too many neglected needs and time was not our friend.
Domestic Discipline is a gift of understanding in our relationship. It is also a learning process. We now know he needs to take me in hand not because I have been bad, but to keep me connected when I let life circumstance hurt me and us. We could have been through this portion of misunderstanding quicker if we had stopped sooner and took care of us. Life is a learning thing though, we make mistakes as a couple and we learn together. I knew I was skirting close to the side of my personality that destroyed my first relationship, but I did not have the energy to stop it.
Happy Birthday to my DH and thank you for the Birthday Spanking.