Our Domestic Discipline Lifestyle

Taking My Submission


My communication skills have been lacking. I have to credit to my DH he has been diligently making sure I communicate the last few nights. My bottom is sore and I have a sneaking hunch this weekend it will get a lot sorer.

 

My biggest fault is not discussing my feelings. I bottle them unwilling to admit them to myself or to him. Then this whole cycle of depression, anger and frustration begins we grow apart and then have to struggle to reconnect, which means I have to start talking. I am a quiet soul I do not ramble on for hours discussing everything I see or think. Being that as it is I choose what I do speak about carefully. The words matter and are important, yet I leave out the really big things.

 

There lays the problem the big things. As my butt was spanked last night for stewing my DH said, “He is guilty of not discussing things that bother him either and that he would also try harder to be better about it.” Yet he stews for shorter periods of time than I do and his frustration does not last for a month at a time. He thinks about it, makes a decision and that is that or we discuss and make a decision. He is a team player in all parts of his life including me in everything.

 

My children’s welfare was put in jeopardy financially by my ex-husband and mines past neglect of a financial crisis. The arrangement we have between us is to ensure their needs are met. When the situation began to unfold into a second crisis and threaten my children’s needs. I immediately went into stealth mode not talking but thinking about what I could do to increase income and security for my children. That is not a bad thing but when those thoughts are not shared with DH and I stew with perceived conversation instead of actual conversation I do not give him the opportunity to discuss ideas and help find the solution.

 

I know why I kept silent. I love our DD household. I was afraid that discussing my need to make money and the possibility of coming off the truck would threaten that dynamic. I was afraid that miscommunication would occur and I would end up ruining our dynamic. During this time though of internal strife I was submissive as a robot but not feeling submissive at all and while trying to prevent upsetting our dynamic I did exactly that. I upset the dynamic.

 

I am very submissive today. The spankings that have occurred lately have been well placed and my backside is still red and sore. I know tonight I will probably receive yet another funny thing is I look forward to it as much as I dread it. I look forward to the communication it brings forth. I look forward to the connection. I look forward to giving my submission and my DH’s acceptance of  that gift.

Comments on: "Taking My Submission" (1)

  1. I currently have a friend who prefers to identify as a BDSM bottom. She has difficulty with all things surrounding communication. She needs so much help in so many areas and it’s difficult to offer her guidance, support, or advice without knowing where to start. I recently offered her an arrangement based on her inability to communicate her needs to others. Once offered though, it was almost immediately dismissed out of her fear of upsetting our already existing dynamic.

    I understand why you worry about saying something, but, from the other side of the spectrum, it is more stressful for those in the position of caretaker (Dominant, Master/Mistress, Top, Disciplinarian, what have you) to try to translate the silence into something palpable…something we can work from to help those in our care. I’m glad that DD works for you, as it doesn’t always work for all D/s dynamics. My only other thought is to do what I do with my slave and journal daily – even if only for ten minutes – because there are times when writing your thoughts is easier than speaking them. Then hand it over to your DH and give him peace of mind and a place to start when seeking a conversation about what is worrying you.

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