Our Domestic Discipline Lifestyle

Struggles


Struggles

Relationships are not always easy. A Domestic Discipline marriage is not immune to struggle. Does being a DD relationship make those struggles easier? That could be debated just as much as any political hot potato that currently exists. I am not going to debate that issue. I think for us DD keeps us talking, keeps the communication open and a solid place for us to return and reconnect.

 

This past month or longer I have been doing as asked and been a good wife, but I lost my sex drive somewhere amid the stress of life. Part of it I am confused in my head and heart. I so want to be near my children and I think this time of year brings that need to a full boil of hot water for me. It is easy to forget the reasons I chose to move into the truck with my husband. The reality that my parenting skills were hampered by a severe depression is easy to put aside. I choose not to think about during this time of struggle.

 

I have to face reality though. I may be doing really well right now thinking clearly. I am definitely not depressed, but the reason for all this positive change is my DD relationship, the routine of living on the truck with my DH and the clarity of distance. I am a better Mother when I can communicate with my children from a distance and have clarity on the situations they present to me. My children are benefiting from my clarity and common sense. I am a better Mother in this circumstance.

 

Let us see where am I going with this. I am experiencing anger. I become so angry at DH for listening to my ideas and the change in our plan then gives credible reasons or discussion that are good for sticking with our current plan and goals. I know deep in my heart he is right, but does that make it easier? Nope. I am angry with my wander lust spirit. I don’t understand why that is such a big part of me. During this time of year I cuss that side of me instead of embracing and enjoying that part of myself.

 

Last night after discussing my feelings and stuff in general I was the recipient of a spanking. I knew I needed it. I submitted without qualms of my submissiveness, although I did not feel submissive. DH did not hold back and it hurt. I raised up a few times and begged for him to stop then quickly reminded myself that fighting him was not submission and reassumed my position. I never let go of my anger though. I could not let the tears flow and the tension release. I submitted to him in other ways also and I experienced an increase in sex drive, yet my anger remains in place.

 

I have tools to deal with this self-destructive anger. I am using them I am actively utilizing them now, but for the past month I have been stewing instead. Maybe a daily spanking is in order? Combine the psychological tools, spiritual tools and the DD relationship tools and get us through this. Good news I am communicating and writing so that is a good positive sign that on my more personal side I am doing my part to work through this.

 

 

 

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