I never thought those words would ever come from my mouth, “Can I have a spanking please?” Have I lost my ever loving mind? I constantly ask myself with laughter in my heart and a growing need to be dominated.
I know I have not been posting like a good girl or blogger should. I beg your pardon for the spider webs and lack of prose this site has attained The good news is since my last post of fighting myself and feeling a terrible need to be punished. We worked through it. We have moved through it past it and have delighted in the other side of the journey.
I think after these past weeks, in which we did experience some stressor and a spanking or two was delivered for my bitchiness and sassy disrespect. I am no longer looking for reasons to give him to spank me. He comes up with plenty on his own.
I have also found my sense of humor again. I missed that part of me for awhile. I am back to teasing him and torturing him as we travel down the road. We both missed that in each other, so we are adjusting.
I think we both took for granite the big adjustment moving our lifestyle from a casual BDSM relationship to a full time Domestic Discipline Marriage would be. We took some good suggestions of keeping it simple and our rules are quite simple. So simple that I really do not cross the line very often, although this week I had a hard time and I did get punished but more about that in a moment.
What we took for granite was spankings would be easy. Easy for him to do and easy for me to submit to, we were wrong. When you switch gears from BDSM to Domestic Discipline the sadist/masochist relationship changes. I have always been a submissive, and he has always been dominant, but when you apply those to a marriage full time. The dynamic changes, you are no longer spanking for play you are spanking to enforce. That takes time to change.
We got through it though and we believe we are on the other side My topping from the bottom has come to a halt which I never realized in the BDSM I was doing. With Domestic Discipline the topping from the bottom became crystal clear. If I truly submitted to my husband I had to let him decide what was best. I had to sit back and be patient and let go. I finally got there. We found the boundary to playful teasing each other and this new dynamic. Life is better after a small struggle.
Now for my latest actual punishment and the story behind it; I am a writer. An unpublished author or artist, I have been working to change that situation for a long time now and never had the courage to send a finished novel into a publisher. Well with the encouragement of my husband and a few friends I finally quit fussing and sent it in. This took a lot of courage on my part.
Mustering that courage up and putting my confidence in full swing took some doing on my part. The experience rattled me to say the least I was edgy. I became a snappy, bitchy shrew. I think that description is a bit mild for my behavior. With my internal battle raging I was not much of a lover either. My sex drive to an all time low, you put that together with my attitude and snippiness and you have the recipe for an attitude adjustment.
I was definitely not being submissive or me I was so lost in the whole process. When my husband had finally had enough, which was well after I had completely submitted my book he gave me the talk.
We talked calmly about the situation, my mood, what all of it had done to me and us. Me in my not so wisest moments, when I truly do not think I deserve to be punished. I say, “I am just thrown off center having to go back into the corporate world in such a small scale.”
Thrown off center is my phrase for “Help Me” and help me he did. He did not go lightly either. We discussed my disrespectfulness. How my snippiness made him feel and my need to be submissive. He put it all in line with a good hard spanking that he took his time doing. It hurt.
I am better now. I am back to center. I have started a new writing project and I am picking up on my web writing responsibilities as well. So back to center I am. I will be posting on a regular basis soon. Probably this week you will notice a regular post or two.