Our Domestic Discipline Lifestyle

Archive for September, 2011

Can I Have a Spanking Please?

I never thought those words would ever come from my mouth, “Can I have a spanking please?” Have I lost my ever loving mind? I constantly ask myself with laughter in my heart and a growing need to be dominated.

I know I have not been posting like a good girl or blogger should. I beg your pardon for the spider webs and lack of prose this site has attained The good news is since my last post of fighting myself and feeling a terrible need to be punished. We worked through it. We have moved through it past it and have delighted in the other side of the journey.

I think after these past weeks, in which we did experience some stressor and a spanking or two was delivered for my bitchiness and sassy disrespect. I am no longer looking for reasons to give him to spank me. He comes up with plenty on his own.

I have also found my sense of humor again. I missed that part of me for awhile. I am back to teasing him and torturing him as we travel down the road. We both missed that in each other, so we are adjusting.

I think we both took for granite the big adjustment moving our lifestyle from a casual BDSM relationship to a full time Domestic Discipline Marriage would be. We took some good suggestions of keeping it simple and our rules are quite simple. So simple that I really do not cross the line very often, although this week I had a hard time and I did get punished but more about that in a moment.

What we took for granite was spankings would be easy. Easy for him to do and easy for me to submit to, we were wrong. When you switch gears from BDSM to Domestic Discipline the sadist/masochist relationship changes. I have always been a submissive, and he has always been dominant, but when you apply those to a marriage full time. The dynamic changes, you are no longer spanking for play you are spanking to enforce. That takes time to change.

We got through it though and we believe we are on the other side My topping from the bottom has come to a halt which I never realized in the BDSM I was doing. With Domestic Discipline the topping from the bottom became crystal clear. If I truly submitted to my husband I had to let him decide what was best. I had to sit back and be patient and let go. I finally got there. We found the boundary to playful teasing each other and this new dynamic. Life is better after a small struggle.

Now for my latest actual punishment and the story behind it; I am a writer. An unpublished author or artist, I have been working to change that situation for a long time now and never had the courage to send a finished novel into a publisher. Well with the encouragement of my husband and a few friends I finally quit fussing and sent it in. This took a lot of courage on my part.

Mustering that courage up and putting my confidence in full swing took some doing on my part. The experience rattled me to say the least I was edgy. I became a snappy, bitchy shrew. I think that description is a bit mild for my behavior. With my internal battle raging I was not much of a lover either. My sex drive to an all time low, you put that together with my attitude and snippiness and you have the recipe for an attitude adjustment.

I was definitely not being submissive or me I was so lost in the whole process. When my husband had finally had enough, which was well after I had completely submitted my book he gave me the talk.

We talked calmly about the situation, my mood, what all of it had done to me and us. Me in my not so wisest moments, when I truly do not think I deserve to be punished. I say, “I am just thrown off center having to go back into the corporate world in such a small scale.”

Thrown off center is my phrase for “Help Me” and help me he did. He did not go lightly either. We discussed my disrespectfulness. How my snippiness made him feel and my need to be submissive. He put it all in line with a good hard spanking that he took his time doing. It hurt.

I am better now. I am back to center. I have started a new writing project and I am picking up on my web writing responsibilities as well. So back to center I am. I will be posting on a regular basis soon. Probably this week you will notice a regular post or two.

31 Miles to Needs Met

Riding in our 18 wheeler rolling down the road at a pleasant clip I do not want the wheels to stop. I know what is coming when they do. My ass will be his.

Do not misinterpret my feelings or my words. I love this lifestyle. I love being his submissive. I love having him be our head of household. I love that I have consequences this life is easy for me. I understand it. I flourish in it.

When it comes to the hours before prior to a spanking my heart quakes, I desire it I want it but I know the pain to come. I know it will sting, hurt and burn. I know it will be tender the next day. I want to be reminded every time I sit down for the next day that he spanked me. It is the waiting, the ride to the destination of spankville that kills me.

I am not looking forward to a spanking, not in the hours just before the due date no. My butt begins to feel warm and the mere feeling of my jeans across my ass feels raw and treacherous. It feels as though the skin knows what is coming and the nerves are already reacting.

I was so caught up in desire yesterday I worsened all this on my self. In a moment of succumbing to the pleasures of his fingers and touches, I blurted out how I craved for him to torture my body I wanted to please his sadistic desires. Yes I know silly me I said that to a sadist.

Now I am writing this knowing the miles are passing, the moments getting closer that my not only my ass will be afire but my entire body will fill his needs. I am delightfully frightened. I trust him with all of my soul I trust him. I am worried though that I may not be able to process the pain as I should. That I will hurt when I should have control, I need this I need this release, but I still am frightened.

I need tears I need satisfaction I need to feel. 31 miles to go and I will get my needs met.

Rebellion Haulted

Twenty-three miles from Barstow and one hundred 32 miles to our delivery site; yesterday I posted about my need to be bad. My need to be controlled and punished unmercifully, about that here and on a Yahoo site I am a member of.

I received some good advice. 1. Just because I feel or have a carnal need to push his buttons. I don’t have to act on impulses take the high road. Behave like a good submissive.

I for the most part have been taking the high road. What I had been doing was soft snide remarks and disinterest in sex. I have been submitting but not really interested. This is not me. I love sex vanilla or alternative lifestyle sex I will take anything from him I can get.

Last night I apologized for my behavior for pushing his buttons and the envelopes. We did not discuss it at the time. He had other things on his mind. This morning I opened up. I made sure he was busy driving. I wanted time to talk about this. I wanted to discuss ttwd and my current fight within to make him fight for my submission.

This brought up a who he is why he lets me get away with stuff and how he feels he is not. I just don’t see the little corrections he does as corrections of my behavior. Primarily because we usually laugh about it and I correct my behavior immediately usually. The past 14 days has been tough. I have been rebelling and we talked about that too.

I told him or reminded him of my frustration and what I believe I need from Domestic Discipline and TTWD.

He said, “What you want is for me to tear your ass up. Take you apart to a crying sniveling mess and put you together again.”

Me, “Yes, I do.”

He said, “I can do that.” Including an evil laugh and grin.

That evil laugh and grin are not fake and nor was it meant to make me laugh. I did not laugh at all. This exchange brought fear, excitement, dread and longing all to the surface. My husband’s sadistic side bubbling to the surface in ecstasy of the freedom to express his true personality I smiled a little apprehensive. We continued toward California.

There I sat tears in my eyes, lump in my throat, a pit in my stomach and a knot in my chest. The feeling as though if I had a tail it would be tucked. I am getting what I asked for. When he gets time, which will be later this afternoon after we unload and shower, I am going to get it.

I road another twenty to thirty miles now contemplating all the new feelings. The frustration has subsided but I have opened up the gates to a spanking that is going to hurt like hell. Honestly I am not happy about that, I am happy that my acting out will end.

I though being a woman and feeling the need to discuss my new apprehension, desire and fear. I needed to tell him I was not looking forward to the pain of what I had asked for although I knew I deserved it. I also told him I wasn’t telling him about my new feelings in a plea for leniency.

He also had been sitting there through those miles thinking. He says he is going to be more diligent with maintenance. He finally understands my needs a little more and my need to connect with him on a regular basis. He understands my frustration. He will set up a schedule and be more diligent with that schedule.

So what have I gotten myself into in these past few weeks; he is expressing his sadistic side, I am a domestic disciplined wife, we have graduated to implements, and now we are going to maintain my discipline and our connection with regular maintenance spankings. The biggest thing I have volunteered little alabaster butt for is a spanking that will be more intense than anything I have ever experienced.

When I look at him and meet his eyes I see a flicker of excitement, mischievous delight, and something else I can not define. I may get by with just a spanking that takes me a few steps farther than the one 2 weeks ago. He may very well take me apart and put me back together. It is his decision. We are learning about ourselves and each other through all of this. OH for the record I have not acted out, been snide, or talked back this entire trip since our conversations this morning. Maybe that will save my backside a little.

Rebellion in the Wind

Rebellion in the wind is biting at me. I really enjoy our lifestyle ttwd is my anchor. My husband is my anchor but rebellion is boiling. I have been making little jabs and pushing him back. He has been for the most part letting me get away with it. Maybe this is a growing pain?

I am getting hints though he is growing tired of my attitude. He hasn’t told me I am cruising but the look in his eyes that silent communication between us tell me I am on the brink of correction. Does this make me happy to know I am on the brink of correction? Somewhere deep within I suppose it does. My subconscious could be directing my conscious mind to rebel.

It wouldn’t be beyond my mind to do this to me. To express my carnal need to be dominated by my husband, my lover. The question though if my rebellion of sorts is an expression of carnal need and desire isn’t that exactly what domestic discipline is not about?

Domestic discipline is a household outline for a marriage a boundary defining model. Carnal need of a woman to be disciplined is not in the rule book or outline so to speak. We as women are suppose to honor our husbands with our submission and our obedience to his capabilities to lead the family.

We are basically not suppose to push the envelope. I know maintenance spankings should cover this carnal need maybe. This time though deep within I want him to take it. I have the passion or the need to see him upset or angry with my behavior. I want him to be impatient and take his head of household position instead of accepting my submission to his authority.

This whole mixture of feelings has me feeling a little crazy. Yet at times when I rebel and talk back or get snide I internally admonish myself for acting and misbehaving yet I feel powerless to correct the behavior myself. BDSM is a willing act between two people in an agreed scene or mutual adventure of trust. What I want is way beyond that ideal too. I don’t want to talk it out and agree to a scene.

I think this rebellion is about pushing his buttons so hard he gets frustrated enough to force my behavior correction. I want to feel his wrath subconsciously. So consciously what is wrong with me? Why would I push the envelope when I know it is fundamentally wrong with any of the lifestyle definitions we participate in? Anyone else ever experience this?