Our Domestic Discipline Lifestyle

Archive for July, 2011

Follow up!

We did it. I trusted him completely and began giving him the gift of my complete submission. I am now more educated about myself and I know that my submission comes in waves. There will undoubtedly be something or some feeling I will surrender more completely as this journey continues.

It was amazing. He took me by the wrist and had me over his knees in very short time. I saw him select a wooden spoon from the package we had bought so I knew it was going to be. I resisted a little, but I voluntarily laid across his lap. He warmed me up with his hand. I did not protest nor did I try to roll off of him. I was still. I did raise my foot at the knee but not my full leg. I clenched my cheeks a little, but I tried to stay relaxed.

He did a lot of listening and when I began confessing he let me spew all that haunted me. The spanking intensified a little when I told him I had undermined him with my children. He was completely unaware of that transgression. It is forgiven and it is done.

The aftermath I feel younger, healthier, beautiful, a weight of a thousand years off of me. I feel reborn, absolutely reborn. My actions today have been joyful and I am listening to his words so clearly. I asked him how he felt about it. He is happy. He feels more in control and loved. He feels the ceremony solidified his place.

We are so much better. I feel loved and protected. This is the relationship I waited my whole life for. I am on my way to be the best me I can be. That is all I truly ever wanted.

The Journey to My Submission: The Lesson of Patience

I have completed some tasks recently I feel good about. My ex-husband returned my phone call finally and I told him of our decision to leave California and the effect on the children I was concerned about. I remained rational and I did not make a lot of excuses I stuck to the facts. At the end of my conversation which my DH had sat quietly with me for support, my DH told me how proud he was of me.

The other task involved my mother and her care at the rest home. Talking to her case worker and explaining that we would do all we could to help but I could not be her primary care giver. I stood up for me and us. He was proud of me there too.

Taking care of these two tasks puts us in a better situation to move forward. Now I just learn patience. Letting go and patience two very big lessons, I told my DH that sexual submission to him was easy. I had not struggle or internal wars with that one Peace of cake.

Full submission is not easy. There are some parts of our Domestic Discipline/Head of Household dynamic that are easy. Letting him have the check book was easy. Listening to his direction easy, letting go of worry very hard.

The other one that I find incredibly difficult to change about me; stop trying to top from the bottom have patience that he knows my needs. I find that difficult. I put out hints. I point blank ask or I confused about this decision and begin to doubt he wants to be head of household. Those doubts lead me to begin to question my sanity and begin me to think this whole thing is my idea and he doesn’t want it.

It came to light yesterday that I am topping from the bottom and I am not patient. I had an Ahah moment. I was sitting here in the truck beside DH as we tootles down the road. I was being quiet and thinking. I was having doubts about his commitment to DD and being head of household. I was thinking about how after our lovemaking that morning the unsuccessful spanking I received. In the middle of these thoughts we stopped at Walmart for supplies.

We did our shopping and I remembered I needed a ladle. We ventured over to the household department and I found my ladle. I put it in the cart next to the wooden spoons my DH had picked up while I was busy. I was relieved to see the wooden spoons. It was a sign that I am not pushing this on him nor am I truly topping from the bottom as I had been beating myself up over. I was in a Domestic Discipline relationship I just need to learn patience.

Then as we continued down the road my stomach began to turn and flip flop. My mind went to the realization that this life is real. Very real he is going to take my submission. Hmmm take my submission that really isn’t what Domestic Discipline is about. Ok what wrong with this picture. The Ah Hah moment struck. My DH can not take my submission from me I have to give him my submission. I had not been ready to give him that, I have been controlling the spanking. I begged him to quit and he did. The failed spankings were not his failure but my inability to completely submit to him. I keep yanking control back.

I finally found my words and we talked about this. I told him that him putting the spoons in our shopping cart was a message to me that I am not pushing DD on us. That he really was willing to follow this path and not going through the motions to please me. We talked about the failed spankings. I told him I realized I was yanking back control during these times. He agreed and he told me this, “when you begin to demand that I stop and you begin to move erratically I stop because I know you are not ready to give me this gift yet.”

Do you see why I married this very intelligent man? We continued our discussion about sexual submission our BDSM life and the ease of that dynamic and the difference Domestic Discipline was and how it meant so much more to us. It all came together our complete choice finally came together in my mind.

Now I sit here learning to be patient. No I have not been spanked yet. The reason why because it is his decision when it will be I am learning patience. I am sitting here a little frightened and nervous. I know the next time it will hurt. I know I am ready to complete my full submission. I know I am ready to trust him fully to decide what is right what is needed and I trust his judgment. Now I just need to finish this lesson on patience.

Desperate to stay calm.

I am trying so desperately to stay calm and collected. I am trying to be okay, but life is biting me in the ass. I am happy that I don’t have to worry about finances that my DH takes care of all of that. I wish I could release my Mother’s finances and my children to him too. It seems to be too much for me to handle.

I can not stop being upset about all of it. I told her case manager this afternoon that by conventional means I am homeless. I am not necessarily homeless. My DH and I live in our semi truck we are in the midst of a financial disaster and can not afford to have an apartment or home and pay off our bills. The sad thing is those bills are mostly medical bills for me. The stress of staying home and dealing with those phone calls makes me sicker. It is just a vicious merry-go-round.

My children’s father will not return my phone calls. Which means I cannot talk to him about my situation nor discuss the impact it will have on our children, I have not told daughter she will not be coming back to the town that she loves. I am nervous lost and hurting over all of this.

I love my kids the thought of not being there for their late teen years is almost unbearable. I feel guilt, shame, a tremendous loss. It is out of my control though. It is not something I can really do anything about. All we can do is keep working and trying. The wolf is at the door and if I open it he will eat me literally.

DH is driving now for our next delivery location. I am trying to be calm. I want to stop and crawl into his arms, but I know we have to keep moving. We have to keep working. My heart break will have to wait until we reach Albuquerque. Then he can hold me and I can let my broken soul be replenished.

Submission to No Spanking

Yesterday with heavy traffic, lying to my daughter and a phone message regarding my mother I was beginning to fall apart. Inside I was mush, a little lost and wanting my DH to take it all from me. I asked for a spanking. “I want you to posses me.” I said to him. He understood how extremely upset and close to loosing control that I was. He said when we had time after loading and shower he would do that for me.

 

I sat back settled some and started to worry about what I had asked for. I did not have an opportunity to worry for long. We made our loading location and that is where my correction began. Loading is manual labor on our flatbed rig and we were loading from a steel plant in Pennsylvania. We arrived late evening and we were loading inside. This should have been a drop in temperature and cooler conditions than being outside.

 

That assumption is completely asinine. First our attire for safety reasons; coveralls, gloves, safety glasses, steel toed boots, ear plugs, hard hats and the kicker long sleeved shirts. The inside condition did not mean air conditioning of fans it meant stuffy and the outside air was humid so guess what the inside air was two times as humid. The load of steel we picked up had to be tied down and tarpped before we could leave the interior of this plant. Water was gold. Indoors also meant the truck had to be shut off and we could not use the auxiliary power unit to keep our dogs cool either. So we plunged them into darkness and left them inside the insulated cab. I checked twice to make sure the temperature in the truck was okay for them. They were happy campers.

 

We had to work hard and we had to work fast. Tying down and protecting our straps is not difficult. Working in that humidity with the tarp and bungies is death defying. Keeping us hydrated as sweat poured from us quicker than we could swallow fresh water wrestling two tarps and then stretching and pulling bungees into place to secure the tarp took every ounce of strength from my head to my toes to complete. By the time we reached the truck stop showers we were both exhausted. DH’s eyes were blood shot from the sweat and I was still shaking from using strength I did not know I had.

 

The point to all this description is by the time my spanking came around as we were settling down for some sleep. Exhaustion took precedence over my alignment spanking. I will not kid you I had fear of what was coming although I asked for it. DH was frustrated with traffic and he was traveling later on his schedule than he wanted to be. Traffic has been that bad. I knew that although he would do his best to control himself I might end up taking his stress of the day out on my behind.

 

Was I relieved when he said he was just too tired to do anything more last night? Yes and No. Yes I was relieved I would not be in pain and I was exhausted too. I admit that after working that hard and listening to his instructions so intently I was more centered than I was when I asked for the spanking.  Was I disappointed that I was not going to be put back into my place yes. Did I miss his attention yes, but I also received his attention by doing a good job and giving my all to help us.

 

I think it does not matter if you are a domestic discipline, sex slave or a submissive, we as women are team players. All teams have structure and rules unspoken or spoken. Sometime while being a team member the individual needs  are changed or replaced by the needs of the team. My submission last night was not in my submission to a spanking, but in my submission to do my job, and be a part of our team. The moral to all this is submission is not all about taking orders and obeying rules it is about pride, understanding and achieving common goals to better your lifestyle. With or without the spanking.

Anabel

24/7 Submissive

BDSM, living, loving, giving is what is in my heart and what my life has become about. DH keeps pushing or pressing my submissive buttons and I am surprised of the level of submissiveness my soul possess. I love it. I would give him anything.
The level of trust  between  us is magical. Our current home is an 18 wheeler traveling down the highway at 55-65 MPH all day long. I am amazed at his creative use of  Domestic Discipline. With two dogs in the truck with us, spankings can be rare, the older dog gets upset when Momma gets a spanking.  We have discovered though if her needs are met she does not pay much attention to what we are doing.
This journey of discovery and goals is so very interesting.  Yesterday  I wrote about feeling precarious about my position with my children. I had a dream last night that straightened that out though. The dream reminded me that I really have no choice. We can not afford California. Even if I said, no I am staying in California with my kids, there is no possible way we could pay the rent. The money isn’t there to make any other decision. I know that is sad, but it is also a reality and takes the whole situation out of my hands. Again I was letting guilt activate the control freak. I was taking responsibility for a situation that is out of my control at this time. It is an economic decision not a Anabel  decision.
Am I glad I figured that one out before I reacted. LOL
24/7 submissive I am in heaven. Exhaustion and happiness mix together every night to bring me peaceful sleep. No nightmares, no wars, no screaming, no night terrors just DH’s arms around me and peaceful restful sleep. This was the life I needed. This is the changes that needed to be made. I am happy.

Precarious

This is my position today precarious. The rope is tight but as I cross the butterflies in my stomach are fluttering so viciously I am affected. My balance off so slightly. I am still able to smile and laugh. I can put the feeling aside and complete my tasks. The moments click closer to the phone call I must make. I must set into action the decision I have made.

 

This is a decision that could not be made by anyone else but me. I am a submissive woman but decisions that affect my children and their quality of life and my relationship with them are mine. My Dominant Husband can not and will not make those decisions for me. That being said I am not standing in the wake and aftermath alone. He is here to support and help me maintain and express my feelings rationally.

 

Today is the day I must first talk to my ex husband and be calm and collected with my former dominant. He will try to exact his control over me, he will try to twist the guilt buttons, he will try to dominate and humiliate me in a negative manner. This is a tricky situation, stepping out of my comfortable submissive position and telling him how it will be.

 

My Dominant Husband is here. Lending me strength and stability, he and I have done everything possible to maintain a home inCaliforniafor my children. It is financially impossible. The budget can not be tweaked accommodate a home there any longer. He tried I tried we just can not do it. Jobs are too thin and rent to high for us to pay our bills and live there.

 

I am also inconsistent with my teenagers. I find it very hard to give them the discipline they need at the phase of their lives. I am a friend more than a mother and they need a mother. So I have decided to stay with my dominant husband on the truck and help him pay off our bills. We have decided to send support money and to make a full attempt to stop inCaliforniato see the children at least once a month. We will try to make it more.

 

We could continue to struggle and rob Peter to pay Paul, but the reality is that fix would only be temporary. Eventually the wolf would be at the door and my children would be displaced by force instead of by choice. I don’t know if they will forgive me my inability to stay. I don’t know if they will hate me and not understand, those are their choices and I have no control over those things.

 

I am experiencing a precarious slightly off balance position this morning. Knowing what I must do today. My heart is broken for this drastic decision, but stability is a very important element in a child’s life and if that is the only thing I can provide in this decision then it is the right decision.

Disciplined

The latest flat bed load was all delicate woods.OregontoRhode Island18 wheels pounding the pavement. My actual work or job in our trucking world is assisting in tying down and tarping the loads. This is basically my only jog outside domestic duties. Not difficult or taxing of mind, just follow instructions and get my DH what he needs before he needs it.

 

This task though can be tough. I am still new to this part of the transportation industry. I have been around this industry my enter life. So I have a good understanding of what happens and what is needed. I understand when to stay out of the way. I understand the safety issues involved. I know how important it is not to assume anything.

 

Delicate woods can not get wet. They stain and become useless to the customer. Our morning of loading started with a sunshine sky and puffy clouds. This weather condition was not to remain. Trying to make certain the load was tarped before the rain began became a challenge.

 

I was challenged by my fear of heights and my DH needing my help rolled out and at least covering the load before the rain hit. You can add a gusting wind to this scenario and me on top of that load 14 feet in the air. Can you see my terror?

 

I did it. We did it together and both of us made it to the ground safely. Would I have faced my fear and climbed that load a year ago? Probably not, would I have been in a panicked state watching my DH up there by himself? Would I have been calm and collected? No last year I could not have done this.

 

Our relationship has been developing and changing slowly. My trust builds in my DH everyday. I trust him to keep us both safe and his confidence in me has helped me to trust myself. He is head of household. I am a submissive and as we add Domestic Discipline to our marriage I know I will only become better. My emotional control has enforced and improved. I still have a long way to go.

 

As my submissive journey continues I have goals and sharing those goals with my DH allows him to help. Allows him into my world ever deeper and my loneliness is subsiding. I can tell him how I see myself and how I want to improve. This submissive disciplined lifestyle allows him to help me stay on track.

 

I will keep posting about this journey; being on the truck, my triumphs, my faltering, and my joys with the sorrows. I am also making a commitment to begin writing stories again. I am not panicked or in a place of self destruction so writing from a happy place will be refreshing and definitely new.

 

Anabel

Surrendering Completeness

I am writing to you from the passenger seat of my DHs’ (dominant husband) truck. I have been riding through out the country with him since June 7, 2011. I have reached peace. I am happy. I am fully alive. I am truly a proud submissive.

 

Our relationship has changed in organizational style. This change was researched together and fits us. It works is a simple way to put it. I have stress issues. My mind and body do not handle stress well. I am irrational and unable to make decisions while stressed. My mind shuts down.

 

We know our financial nightmare is something I just can not handle. I can not handle the phone calls, the mail, or the checking accounts. I read and enjoyed Laura Doyles’ book, “The Surrendered Wife”. Her ideas and information helped me understand myself and my needs. Now put that together with my enjoyment of sexual submission with a side of BDSM. Well you basically see what I have been dealing with by myself.

 

Understanding myself better yes this journey has been about self discovery and acceptance. After all the research and soul searching my DH and I made the decision that Head of Household or Domestic Discipline maybe our true dynamic. There are thousands of couples that live a Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Like us a secret kept between husband and wife with some exceptions.

 

This is a big step for us. Adding Domestic Discipline to our marriage is not a game. A discipline spanking is very real. It is intended to hurt to punish. A very different experience and activity from a BDSM spanking which is meant to give pleasure and sexual release.

 

I can now say I have experienced both very different animals. We are keeping our Domestic Discipline very simple. My DH is now also Head of Household. We discuss things but the final decision is his in our lives. I have two rules to follow.

 

  1. Don’t worry.
  2. Be respectful of my Dominant Husband.

 

Very simple, it did not take me long to break the first one. The point of Don’t worry is to reduce my stress. Stop me from taking on responsibilities that are not mine. “Don’t worry” means truly trust my Dominant Husband.

 

As we make this commitment I will share with you some of my experiences. The first spanking has left a calming affect. An emotional release and closeness to my DH I can not explain right now. This is our lifestyle change and path. It feels natural and right. Thank God we found a direction.